thoughts



10.23.2004
cleveland could have been a disaster!

i drove six hours saturday morning. rem & bruce were phenomenal.... there's just somethin' about michael stipe. unfortunately, we couldn't rock out cause the jerks behind us complained. i dunno about you, but i wanna jam at shows, not kick back like it's the theater. certainly didn't make it a bad time.

tailgating sunday was us walking around with a plastic bag of drinks, including the red stripe i couldn't open cause i had misplaced the bottle opener. here i am, wearing a portis jersey & skins hat, smiling, havin' a good time.... and my two girl friends are sporting home team gear. we asked a couple older guys to help us open a beer, and friendly banter turned into one of them causually asking for oral sex! oh my gosh, that's funny!?! another walked past us, screaming "slut" at me. someone else grabbed my ass. browns fans SUCK. the redskins suck even more for losing.

so, i've got a job.... three weeks. i was ready to quit after the second day, but now it's going alright. still feels weird.

weekend thought: mmm eddie vedder




10.01.2004
la di da di da. after the first debate, a few points...

kerry:
"i will hunt down and kill the terrorists, wherever they are."
"i...have a plan to win the war on terror."

OH, really???

bush:
"we're facing a" *long pause during which i incorrectly predicted evildoers* "group of folks who have such hatred in their heart, they'll strike anywhere, with any means."

watch the daily show re-broadcast tomorrow (fri) at 7 pm.

this didn't sway me either way; my vote was set immediately following the 2000 election. ANYBODY BUT BUSH. what are we talking about here, winning the big game??? i'll be the first to admit-- i was fantasizing about howard dean the whole 90 mins!

also, fuck the networks. tune into pbs.

sweet dreams....




9.29.2004
is there anybody out there?

time to celebrate! i start my job on tuesday! after accepting the offer, i made a snap decision to move into a townhouse with my brother and dad. wtf?! i won't be paying much more than i am here, but it will add an extra twenty, thirty minutes to my commute. not to mention, i'll be moving away from my cats, and my mom, and andy, and comfort....OH, the sadness! i need a hug.




9.19.2004
heeeee's baaackk! we shouldn't be surprised. at least we got go-go.




9.18.2004
mmm saturday morning.... words can't describe how thankful i am for not serving omelets to assholes right now. i had two interviews this week-- one with a bureau of the dept of the interior (YUCK) and the second with a private environmental consulting/engineering firm. i wasn't offered the govt job, but there's some hope i'll get a call from the other. it wouldn't be my first choice of job, that's for sure. however, it's not the deli, and it's somewhat related to the field i'd like to pursue. i'm also hoping to hear from the EPA soon!

it was great making it back to the Gorge for a third consecutive year. people who don't KNOW think i'm crazy to go all that way for a few concerts. if there's anyplace to experience live music, though, that's it. no question. i got a little goofy on our last day camping & jumped off a 43-foot cliff. couldn't even tell you what possessed me to do it because i had no real desire to try. maybe it was the beer (NO, i wasn't close to drunk), or perhaps the need to find some excitement, or even the fact carrie & i were encouraging each other. all i know, i took a couple tokes of something kind, and i was on my way up the hill. you have to step over a downed fence with a NO TRESPASSING sign to access the highest points. there were a handful of people standing around, a couple of dudes just going for it, and some guy with a tape measure making sure all is well? i dunno, i was pretty caught up in my head. kevin, a friendly head carrie had met, accompanied us up to the cliff explaining over & over what we had to do for a successful jump. after a minute, kev says, "i'm gonna jump, and one of you will go right after me." they looked at me. i respond, "okay." without any preparation, kevin walks to the edge and jumps. my heart starts racing, i give him a few seconds, a minute, and i carefully approach the edge. i'm terrified that there is nothing in front of me. i may have briefly looked down to kevin, but i knew if i waited any longer, i couldn't do it. so i went. unfortunately, i was so worried about just stepping off and clearing the face of the cliff that i wasn't ready to enter the water! from what the others said, it wasn't pretty. i think i landed in some sort of seated position, bracing myself with my arms (kind of like a gymnast on the parallel bars). it hurt BAD, knocked the wind out of me for a second, but i emerged from the water feeling totally invigorated. that was the greatest adrenaline rush of my life! it took me swimming back to shore (a fair distance) to recover, and even then, my heart & mind were racing. the next day i checked out the damage in a mirror-- black & blue bruises on my left hip & ass!!! only me! i'd do it again, too!

earlier this week, moveon.org announced the vote for change tour will culminate with a finale here in dc! this four hour show will bring together some of my all time favorite musicians-- dave matthews band, pearl jam, rem, bruce springsteen, bonnie raitt, jackson browne, james taylor, and babyface. i tried buying presale tickets but had no luck. so, i was up at 10 today when they went on sale at ticketmaster. i lucked out by getting four crappy seats behind the stage, way up top. couldn't be happier :)




8.29.2004
i'm a flake-- sue me. truth is, i haven't made much "progress" with things, and updating reminds me of my shortfalls. it's not as bad as me sitting on my ass, totally spaced, but it's not much better. here's a list of goings-on since may:
  • witnessed mr david bowie in concert
  • my good friend & parkway comrade kristy moved to NYC
  • traveled to manchester, tn for that bonnaroo spectacle
  • camped with a good bunch of folks for the dmb shows near pittsburgh
  • attempted to stop (to no avail) our bitch-ass homeowner's association from slaughtering 100 canada geese that reside at the pond behind our place
  • dad enjoyed dmb for a second year at nissan & heard his three favorite tunes-- central heating, too much, and the celebrate song!
  • mom experienced her first dmb show at merriweather where we drank a lot of pabst (you know how we do)
  • held on working at that cesspool until the beginning of august (YEA!! i QUIT my job!!!)
  • spent 10 glorious days in the outer banks with gramma, uncle tom, cousins dylan & logan
  • and NOW, i'm lookin for a jobby job-- wish me luck, cause my ass be broke

paying bills and buying groceries, gas, necssities with credit cards is no way to live. if i don't find something permanent by, um, next week, i'll havta get one of those in-the-meantime deals. and that's fine cause no one said i have to waitress, let alone go back to parkway. i may walk dogs!

i'm headed to heaven-- GEORGE, WASHINGTON-- this thursday. how cool would it be if i stayed?! all talk... besides, i'm goin to cleveland in early october to see my girl shannan, listen to THE BOSS and REM bash W, and watch the SKINS (led by the legendary MR JOE GIBBS) crush the browns!!!! tell me you ain't jealous!






5.29.2004
i think i have TWO fans! thank you-- i really mean that!! this thing is still very awkward.... anyhow,

basically, nothing's new. i'm working four days a week at the same place (waiting tables at a deli), running & swimming on occasion, preparing for another (third) summer of traveling & shows. shit could be worse, right?

on the family tip, my dad's been as together as i've ever seen him. we usually exercise a couple mornings a week, his family is gradually letting him back in, and his friendship is exactly what i need now. it's sappy, but if you only knew the guy before.... moms, though, she's out of control. i still live with her & witness it everyday. the ugly emotions i felt as a child are returning (e.g. my stomach sinking when i find an empty bud can stashed in a cabinet). i'm content/loved one minute, crushed the next. THIS IS WHY I MUST MOVE! okay, enough boo-hooing.

four days of work until i take off for bonnaroo!!!!! two friends, one of whom i haven't seen in a couple years, are riding down with me. the plan is to meet up with a nutload of peeps in murfreesboro early thursday and caravan into the festival. i have a little experience this time around & am confident it'll be a much more enjoyable. in fact, i'm totally psyched!

expect a sooner update :)




2.17.2004
this is all. thank you & goodnight.




2.01.2004
this will probably come across the wrong way. fuck it. i ain't hatin-- know that.

reading the gazette the other day, i noticed this. meredith was one of my good high school friends (& teammates). even though we both went to maryland, we lost touch (mainly my fault). years later, attempts to "reunite" failed. it couldn't have ever been the same. AND we had changed a lot.

so, about the column.... i still can't believe she won the senior writing award. her writing always sounded so forced, unnatural. this piece just goes to show ya, you can't necessarily be educated to be a GOOD writer. painful!!




1.28.2004
mom & andy gave me dr. seuss' the lorax (dvd & book) for christmas. yesterday i watched it for the second time ever (the first in mrs. bowen's sixth grade class). of course, it made me cry.

" 'I am the Lorax who speaks for the trees which you seem to be chopping as fast as you please. But I'm also in charge of the Brown Bar-ba-loots who played in the shade in their Bar-ba-loot suits and happily lived, eating Truffula Fruits.'

'NOW...thanks to your hacking my trees to the ground, there's not enough Truffula Fruit to go 'round. And my poor Bar-ba-loots are all getting the crummies because they have gas, and no food, in their tummies!'

'They loved living here. But I can't let them stay. They'll have to find food. And I hope that they may. Good luck, boys,' he cried. And he sent them away.

I, the Once-ler, felt sad as I watched them all go. BUT... business is business! And business must grow regardless of crummies in tummies, you know. I meant no harm. I most truly did not. But I had to grow bigger. So bigger I got. I biggered my factory. I biggered my roads. I biggered my wagons. I biggered the loads of the Thneeds I shipped out. I was shipping them forth to the South! To the East! To the West! To the North! I went right on biggering...selling more Thneeds. And I biggered my money, which everyone needs."

if it can be put this plainly, why can't everyone see it?




1.14.2004
happy new year!

i declare 2004 to be the end of my misery! clearly, shit ain't gonna change until i get active. i won't expect it to be easy or to come quickly, but i will change my behavior. and there it is.

my new years was spent sad and confused. the closest thing i've had to a good friend in a long time dissed me. i'm still unclear about the circumstance despite a polite handwritten inquiry last week. the best i can do is ask cause i can't beat it out of him. so i learn again that people disappoint, and this only means that i choose to love differently. i come first...always.

most important project: find a JOB. my one good excuse (i.e. school) is gone. the deli is hell on earth, and with each new table, i hate it more. there is important work out there to do! i need to find it so that i can rediscover the joys of work. at the moment, i'm unchallenged, underutilized, bored. a change of scenery would be totally welcomed.

it's snowing.... just a little. enough for me to say it's snowing. i love winter. i love cold weather. snow is cool. i wish we'd get a bunch so i could go sledding.

valentine's weekend i'm going to indiana to see some people i met in chicago. amanda just moved out into her own place and has graciously opened her home to us! i was going to fly to louisville (flight would only cost $150), but dj offered to meet me in west viriginia.... i'll drive the five & a half hours to charleston and the two of us will finish the last four hours to clarksville. with the way shit's turned out recently, i can't imagine a better way to spend that evil holiday. it never much affects me, but it's kinda like saying "fuck you valentine's day!" cannot wait.

TWENTY FIVE in one week. holy crap. i almost forgot!





1.12.2004
"i'm a busy guy."

ohhhh. i get it now.